When Having It All Is Never Enough

While reading Glamour magazine on one of the first spring days in Wisconsin perched atop a hill overlooking the budding trees and sounds of the river flowing smoothly over rocks, I began to practice mindfulness. I took in every moment of my husband laughing at the loosely rolled herb by our son. My son jokingly repeating the same topics during small talk and at that moment I realized, I had it all. Flipping the weightless gloss paper between my index and thumb I looked at the featured articles. “Your Hair Lookbook” “How Far Would You Go for an Orgasm” “This is My Job” “Shortcuts to Happiness.” These are the answers women are looking for! Happiness, health, relationships, careers and great sex. We want it all! We will continue to research, read, review products and reach out until we have it all. I closed the magazine and thought “All of the article themes are written about things I already have, so why am I reading this?”

• Orgasm… check (actual my husband’s penis hits my spot just perfectly and he knows how to make me have multiple orgasms on demand to where I see stars, curl up in a fetal position, shaking and twitching.)
• Beautiful skin… check (I went in to buy expensive makeup in my early 20’s for the first time and the Origins sales rep advised me to invest in good skin care products and my makeup would last longer as I wouldn’t need to use it as much) She sold me over $500 worth of makeup and anti-aging cream but to her benefit on commission and mine I have great skin 16 years later
• Career…check (It took me seven years to recover from the recession of 2008 but now I have a flex schedule where I only work in the office three days a week. Beautiful desk with a huge view and even a standing desk to promote wellness. A pension (not a 401k but an actual pension that our grandparents had, that we thought were long gone.) Awesome benefits and a month of time off a year not including sick days
• Hair…check (I went natural in 2007 and have done the big chop twice. I have thick full hair sprinkled with a few grays to prove I’ve lived)
• Health… check (I’m 36 and have never had surgery and am an endurance athlete who has survived three days in the Savannah with no food, shelter or clothes. My heart is still beating and besides the occasional sore back, overall I feel 18. My weight, waist and wellness have been consistent and better than most American women my age.)
• Children…check (my daughter is a strong intelligent creative woman and my son is a kindred spirit that needs love and family time) I want more children but we will get to that concept of “more” later

After mentally running through my “Do I have it All?” checklist I realized in my moment of mindfulness on the hill that Yes, I do! But why isn’t “All” enough? (Did I just Carrie Bradshaw)

But honestly it is a genuine question that I had to ask myself. When is enough, enough? As a feminist we strive for so much in every aspect of our lives and once we achieve them we raise the bar even more. I set out to run a marathon and once I did that I decided to push myself to run an ultra marathon but why? Why couldn’t I be satisfied with my initial goal? Or why do I want more kids when I have a boy and a girl? As empowered women we pursue our goals fervently but seem to be never satisfied. My dad once told me that its impossible to satisfy a woman. You buy her a house she wants a bigger house. You tell her she is beautiful she wants to know how beautiful. I used to laugh it off thinking he was being dramatic but in my late 30’s I’m starting to think maybe there is some truth to his theory.

I thought immediately of Gwenth Paltrow as her essence is one I must confess to coveting. She is beautiful, smart, kids named Moses and Apple, had a Rock-star for a husband, actress, wellness advocate and actress (missing several of her roles but you get the drift.) The woman would appear to have it all and some to spare but why did she divorce  if she had it “All?” Shouldn’t she have been blissfully happy? Will any woman ever reach it to the top of the “Having It All” ladder or are we destined or predisposition to keep adding rungs?